i guess eleven times is the charm

Tuesday night, my phone rang four times. Hang up. And again, four times and another hang up. This repeated ten times. When it happened for the eleventh time, I finally picked up.

Right out of the gate I hear, “Your voicemail is full, Red.”

“Oh. Hi,” I replied.

“Look…I know you asked me to leave you alone and I’ve done that. For three years, I’ve held to my word. I've left you alone. But that changes when your kid calls me cryin’ her eyes out sayin’ she’s thinking about quitting college to move back home because she’s worried sick about you. That got me thinkin’ maybe I should be a lot more concerned about how you’re doin’. So…how are you doin’, Red?” Chad was very matter of fact and slightly angry in his tone.

I was sort of taken aback and didn’t say anything.

“Okay. So, what is it I can do to snap you the fuck out of all this, huh? Come on, Red! Do you really want Ash to quit school?!”

I quietly responded with, “No.”

“That’s three words out of your mouth. I know you got a hell of a lot more to say than that!” he snorted.

“How are you, Chad?” I asked.

I heard a loud sigh on the other end of the line. “Fuck how I am! I’m all worried about you! Don’t you have anything else to say for yourself?! Jesus, Red! Come on! Please talk to me!”

I honestly couldn’t come up with anything to say to a man I’d been friends with forever.

“Ok…if that’s the way this is gonna go then you give me no choice, honey. I’ll see you in a little while.”

“Wait…no, don’t come here!” I said in a panic.

“Too late, Red!” And he hung up the phone.

An hour and twenty minutes later he pounded on the front door like he was going to break it down. “RED! OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR!”

Reluctantly, I unlocked the door to let him in. I didn’t want the neighborhood Nick and I had moved into in 2019 confirming I was the resident crazy lady widow recluse.

“Here!” he said as he shoved a bag of Chinese food into my hand and pushed himself right by me.

“Chad,” I started to say something, and he interrupted me.

“When a little girl I’ve watched grow up calls me bawlin’ her eyes out, I just can’t handle it! Especially when it’s Ash!” He walked down the hallway and into the kitchen.

“I’m so sorry, Chad. I don’t know why she called you.” I was ashamed of myself that Ashlee felt pushed to that kind of desperation.

“Well I do! I’m all she’s got left! Both her daddies are gone, and you’ve mentally gone…I don’t know where. She didn’t know who the hell else to call!” He was definitely angry and concerned.

“I…I see your point. Let’s sit down and talk, okay?” I pointed to the kitchen table.

He appeared to let out a huge sigh of relief, pulled a chair out and sat down. He shook his head, “You look like shit, Red. No offense.”

What he said made me chuckle. “Wow! Thanks! No offense taken!”

We sat quietly for a while and ate together.

“You need to get out of this house, honey. It’s like a tomb in here. Red, you need to rejoin the living. Despite being grown up Ashlee still needs her mom and Nick…I know he wouldn’t want you living like this.”

Tears started to pour down my cheeks.

Chad pulled me into his arms. “You listen to me. What he did is not your fault, honey. You aren’t responsible and you’re not to blame. You did more than was humanly possible for that man. You did everything you could possibly do. You cry it all out. Every damn bit of it, Red. I’m here to bring you back to life. That’s what I’m here for. Please…come back to us!”